Secondary 16’’ x 16’’
An abusive situation usually involves more than one victim: the primary victim and a number of secondary victims, such as close friends and relatives.
Secondary victims are often isolated from their loved one. They may exhibit worry and anxiety and understandably fear for their loved one’s well-being.
"Often, secondary survivors feel so conflicted; they want to help their friend leave their abusive partner but their friend isn't ready yet. And they also don't want to continue to expose themselves to abusive behavior, or it pains them to hear their friend talk about abuse and staying in the relationship. Or, if their friend refuses to talk about the abuse, they often feel anxious not knowing what's going on. I advocate for someone to take whatever steps they need to take in order to ensure their own personal safety and well-being. I also think it's important to let your friend know you'll be there for them. Leaving an abusive relationship is so dangerous, and often connections have been severed so a survivor has few people to rely on. You can make it clear, "If you need anything let me know. I really mean that." But if you also have to reduce contact to keep your sanity, do it. Most secondary survivors feel drained trying to affect a certain outcome. " Ruth Spaulding DomesticShelters.org
If you have a friend or family member who is experiencing abuse here are some things you can do to help. The most important thing to remember is that the choice to leave or not is theirs. You can't make them leave a bad situation but you can be supportive and helpful in their choice. They will need someone they can count on when/if they do decide to end or leave the abusive relationship.
Domestic Violence knows no boundaries when it comes to race/gender/sexuality/age/socioeconomic status/geographic location/culture.
Remember, domestic abuse affects ten million people in the US every year. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please know that the folks at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1 800 799 SAFE or thehotline.org) are ready to listen and support you, as well as refer you to a local program or organization. If you observe someone being abused, you can also call the hotline. A good samaritan call can save a life!
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All of the quilts in the Domestic Abuse series so far can be viewed here.
