Lies 16” x 16”
An abuser often Lies to gain control. They tell lies to and about their target. They lie about things they themselves have done and things the target's family members have done. They are careful to craft their stories so that they are believable and say them enough times that the target often incorporates those lies into their own memories and repeats them as though they were true. The person experiencing the abuse becomes less able to see the situation for what it is.
Family members often hear things about themselves that never happened and can become difficult for family and friends to communicate with their loved one who believes a different reality based on the repeated lies of the abuser.
Here are some of the "everyday" or non specific lies that are repeatedly told to help gain control.
1. I love you,
2. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,
3. I’ll go to counseling,
4. I promise,
5. I’m sorry,
6. It’s your fault,
7. No one else would ever want you,
8. If you leave, I’ll kill myself and it’ll be your fault,
9. You’re so lazy,10. You can’t do anything right,
11. Well, you’re not getting it from me so you must be getting it from someone else,
12. I’ve changed,
13. I never said that (Or, “You’re remembering it wrong”),|
14. You’re so selfish,
15. You’re crazy! You must be off your meds again.
here are a few more not included in the list above
"You can't take care of yourself.”
"You can't do that."
"You don't work hard enough."
"You don't make enough money."
If you have a friend or family member who is experiencing abuse here are some things you can do to help. The most important thing to remember is that the choice to leave or not is theirs. You can't make them leave a bad situation but you can be supportive and helpful in their choice. They will need someone they can count on when/if they do decide to end or leave the abusive relationship.
Domestic Violence knows no boundaries when it comes to race/gender/sexuality/age/socioeconomic status/geographic location/culture.
Remember, domestic abuse affects ten million people in the US every year. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, please know that the folks at the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1 800 799 SAFE or thehotline.org) are ready to listen and support you, as well as refer you to a local program or organization. If you observe someone being abused, you can also call the hotline. A good samaritan call can save a life!
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All of the quilts in the Domestic Abuse series so far can be viewed here.
